I get by with some help from my friends

It's after 9pm and the older two boys are still awake, but I just wanted to take some time to write that I had an amazing conversation with my friend, Corina Ascuito Lopes, today. I honestly have been feeling kind of down this week after learning that I might have thyroid cancer top of some other medical issues I've been trying to solve. It's forced me through another existential crisis... causing me to ask what's it all for? Why must we suffer? What's the purpose of life and our suffering? What does a life mean once it's gone? And so many more questions.

I was awoken in the night last night from our dog, Jack, shaking his collar. As I lay there for WAY TOO LONG scrolling Facebook and trying to go back to sleep, I started to feel really down. I was getting down on myself and was thinking that if I died, would I be missed? Am I making a difference in the world?

I shared these and many other thoughts with Corina today. She made me feel so needed and loved. I always feel empowered and encouraged after speaking with her. I felt the darkness and sadness lift and I felt like I remembered who I am and what I am capable of. It's nice to have that reminder when you need it. I know how much I am capable of and only hope I can overcome my lazy tendencies to push myself to achieve what I want to achieve. I want to empower and inspire others. THAT is my legacy I would like to leave in the world. I want others to know that I love them and care for them. I want to spread love and light to all around me. In that way, I can make a small impact on the world.

I used to think as a child that I would do something great. I had big aspirations as to who and what I would become. I knew that I was capable of so much and that I could become anything I wanted to be if I put my mind to it. That feeling carried with me through the years, but it also has hindered me making me feel at times that I am not doing enough. Yet, I AM ENOUGH. I am doing enough when I live my purpose and work to help uplift and love others in all the different areas of my life.

Okay, Harrison is coming down to get me because Lincoln is awake and Evan fell asleep. Off to go get the kids to bed! Wish me luck!

Ships Were Made to Sail

Ships were made to Sail
Not to be anchored in the harbor

Ships were made to weather the storm,
To experience, navigate, and explore

My baby's room is decorated with a nautical theme. As I rocked him to sleep for his afternoon nap, I saw the sailboats and I couldn't help but think how like those ships we are. We are not made to be anchored safely in the harbor. If we stayed, we would never learn. We would never grow. We are made for more than remaining in that comfort zone. We are meant to leave the shore.

Yes, leaving is scary. It means trusting in the unknown. It means allowing ourselves to do what we were born to do, even though the experience will be painful and heartbreaking at times. Setting sail means we will go through storms. It means we will have to learn how to navigate alongside a God who will guide if we listen. However, leaving that shore provides so much opportunity for growth and incredible joy. You can't see the beauty of what's beyond if you remain forever anchored. You can either set sail intentionally or wait for the storm to come and knock you free. Either way, you WILL have to sail.