Harrison Details...

Says oh oh
Started playing with his ears
Head butting
Loves to sit in the bath forever

Family Hike

Evan and I have been talking about going up to Chinook Pass to see Fall in its glory before the pass closes and we can't access it for the next 7 months. We intended on going today, but by the time Harrison had eaten lunch and we were packed up (plus Erin Rose, Evan's mom, came to visit!), it was just going to be too late to get out the door and make it back before Harrison's next nap. Hopefully, we'll be able to go next week on one of Evan's days off!

Instead, we headed up to Mud Mountain Dam: still in the mountains, but not as far up into the mountains as Chinook Pass. We had fun on the little hike and took a lot of pictures at the dam overlook. Harrison loved holding onto the pine cones I gave him while we hiked down. It was funny, he loved running around the trail more than playing at the park. (Maybe it's because he has a slide in his own backyard? Or, maybe it's because he prefers playing with sticks and pine cones over the swings?) Just goes to prove what Evan has been saying since before Harrison was born: we don't need to buy toys for kids. They end up loving and playing with everyday stuff more anyway! :)

 

              

 

My boys...

Fall Walks

Although our dog is well-behaved and perfect for our family, on RAINY days I doubt the decision we made to ever adopt him! It can be such a hassle to clean his paws fifty million times a day in order to keep him from tracking in dirt. Also, the shedding situation got critical a few weeks ago and I felt like I couldn't vacuum or sweep enough. Thankfully, he is almost finished shedding his summer coat because my sanity could not take anymore of the craziness!

There are, however, a few really great reasons to have a dog: numero uno is that I feel protected with him around. Whether it's on a walk or at home on a dark, stormy night, it is nice to have a large dog with me! Sometimes I even have him come from room to room with me (usually he follows me anyway because he loves being anywhere we are!) if I feel particularly scared of being alone. Silly? Yes. But, it is, nevertheless, how I feel!

Another reason I am glad to have our dog is that he forces us to get out of the house more often. Even though we've had quite a bit of fog the past few weeks, the weather has been good enough for us all to go on a walk together in the morning. Evan will sometimes even take Harrison with him by himself so that I can have a little peace and quiet while they are gone. Because of our dog, we go on a few walks a day. It's been so nice to enjoy the fall weather and the gorgeous trees change color. Right now, my favorite are the Japanese Maple because they are all turning this vibrant shade of maroony red. Love it!

One reason I realized that I am enjoying fall this year more than any in recent memory is that for the past 9 years I have been teaching during the fall and haven't been able to spend much weekday time outside to enjoy the fall colors and weather. Sure, Evan and I used to go on tons of Saturday hikes, but we would go rain or shine. Some of the best weather happens during the work week and being a stay-at-home mom this year has afforded me the pleasure of truly enjoying the sun and crisp air that fall provides.

The following pictures are from the last two days on our morning walks. Evan took the latter two. That leaf hanging by a spider web is so cool!

Love those eyes

            

Judge Not

Friends, life is hard. We are often bombarded and tempted left, right, and center to make a mistake, to slip up, to fight with others, to be selfish, to think we are always right, to judge. I think of the book, The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis whenever I think of life's temptations. For those of you who are not familiar with this eye-opening piece of literature, it is an epistolary novel where a devil tempter-in-training receives letters of encouragement from his Uncle Screwtape who is helping him secure "damnation" for a British man he is charged to tempt.

Although the book is satire, there is much to be learned and gleaned from its pages. I recall reading about the ways Screwtape's nephew is encouraged to tempt this British man. As I read some of the simple suggestions (e.g. keep him from praying, get him angry at his mother so he won't go to church, etc.), I suddenly saw similar temptations at work in my own life seeking for discord and alienation. Reading that book helped me to turn a more aware eye on my own thoughts, aiding me in reflecting whether they were leading me to higher ground or to a selfish wasteland.

One of the hardest thoughts to shoo out of my mind are those of judgment. Yes, judgment in and of itself is necessary in many instances in our lives. We judge when we decide which dish soap is best. We judge when we look outside and decide that rain boots might be better in current weather than the open-toed sandals we were choosing to don. There are so many important ways in which judgment aids in positive decision-making. However, there are also countless negative ways in which judgment can eat away at our friendships and relationships.

Recently, I found myself passing quick judgment on others who are dealing or have dealt with the same difficult situations I have: breastfeeding issues, how they chose to birth their child, stay-at-home mom vs. working mom, etc. Little thoughts shoot like a bullet through my normal sensibilities, begging to be given credence. These thoughts are not my own, yet I have to work diligently to remove them before they wreak damage on my mind. Did I not also struggle with breastfeeding and consider quitting many times for months? Was I not also a working mom who had to do what it took to provide for my family? Did I not also struggle with the "baby blues" for months with little reprieve while juggling no sleep, working, and coordinating an exchange?

No one likes to be judged. I sure don't. I am doing my best to be a good mom, wife, sister, daughter, friend, teacher. I think we are all working our hardest in this uphill battle. So someone makes a different choice than you did in a similar circumstance. That doesn't necessarily mean that that person is wrong and you are right. We are all out there striving to do and be the best that we can be, in spite of the many challenges that lie in our paths. We have no clue the inward or outward struggle of others, no matter how well we think we understand their circumstances. The world would be a better place if, instead of looking down on others for what we PERCEIVE to be negative choices, we chose to look at their positive attributes. Choosing to love others and serve them will bring about joyful results, both to yourself and those around you.

So, that is my challenge to myself and to you, dear readers: Judge not.

Project Toddler: 15 Months Old

This week, Harrison turned 15 months on the 15th! It was his "baby" golden birthday. Sadly, I'm pretty sure his 15-month birthday kind of fell by the wayside because he was dealing with a high fever. I may have taken one cell pic on his actual month birthday, but whatev. It's been hard keeping up with the weekly/monthly pictures after he turned one. I kind of lost my focus because I got out of the habit of taking pictures and writing on Sunday. C'est la vie! At least, we went to the pumpkin patch two days after his monthly birthday so I got some pictures of him near enough that date for comparison purposes, right?!

Here are a few thoughts for 15 months:

• Harrison tries to talk like a fiend. He has the cutest little voice and I love his (fake) conversations with us. He tries to tell us what is going on and really tries to be a part of our conversations. I try my hardest to include him and to speak to him about everything going on. He really does understand almost everything I say and ask him and will follow my instructions, if he isn't feeling rebellious! :)
• Within the past week or so, Harrison started slapping me while he is nursing. Not all of the time, but when he wakes up still too tired or gets "bored" (for lack of a better term) just laying there nursing he'll do it. He also pulls on my earlobes and tries to stick his fingers up my nose or jabs his fingernails into my gums. This guy! It sure makes nursing an interesting experience sometimes!
• Harrison watches EVERYTHING we do and tries to mimic it. He is so smart and pays attention to where we hide something he wants or just how we opened/closed something to get into it himself. It cracks me up just how smart and inventive he is to get what he wants!
• He also tries to mimic what we say and our voice inflections. On his own, he has been saying his own version of "thank you" the past few weeks after I give him something. I never once taught him to say that, but I say it all the time! I guess he got the polite gene from me and decided to start saying it himself. But, don't try to make him say it back to you. This kid does NOT aim to please. He works by the beat of his own drummer and will not do anything on command. I try to get him to wave/say "bye" to people, but IF he chooses to say it, it is 2 minutes after we leave. HA! He definitely is a stubborn kid, just like both of his parents. One word: KARMA!
• Harrison got sick for the first time this week. I feel so grateful that this is the first time he has had a fever or been really sick! I'm hoping he won't get again sick for a long while!

Because I already can't quite remember back to what Harrison's past schedules have been like (and want to!), I wanted to document a typical schedule for Harrison at this stage:

• 6-6:30am Wake up (If we're lucky, 7!), nurse, play with mama, read books
• 7am Eat breakfast with mama
• 8am Wake daddy up, walk with daddy
• 9am Nap
• 10:30-11am Wake up, nurse
• 11-12pm Snack, eat lunch
• 2pm Nap
• 3:30-4pm Wake up, nurse, snack
• 6pm Dinner
• 7pm Bath
• 8-8:30pm Nurse to sleep (or, nurse and then bed time)

We've been working a lot with Harrison the past month to get him to fall asleep on his own. We struggled with this for months for so many reasons, which deserves of a post all its own. However, we finally felt at the right place mentally and otherwise to help him learn to sleep on his own. We sing him a song, wrap him in his blanket, hold him for a few minutes to shush him and calm him down before laying him in his bed, patting his back for a few minutes, and leaving the room. In the mornings, he usually cries for only a few minutes before conking out. The afternoon nap can sometimes be a pain and sometimes he will cry for 15-20 minutes before calming down. Depending on if he is having an off-day (as in, he woke up later or napped way longer than usual in the morning), it can be particularly hard to get him to take an afternoon nap, even if he is tired! On those rare days, I will just skip his afternoon nap if I'm trying and he isn't calming down and going to sleep. 

Typically, Harrison is awake about 3 hours before going down for a nap or for bed. Some days, I feel like he is working towards a one-nap schedule. But, most days, I feel like he would DIE if he didn't get his second nap! I may sound crazy, but it's nice for me to have TWO breaks during the day instead of one. I'm sure before I know it, he will be taking only one nap, though!

A Little Perspective

Going on a much-needed walk with Harrison while we was getting over his fever

I have felt very humbled this week. Last Sunday night, my son started acting abnormal, wanting to be held more than usual and wasn't super interested in eating. Other than that, he wasn't showing any other symptoms so I chalked it up to his perpetual teething.

Well, after putting Harrison to bed Sunday night, he started waking up once every few hours (OR MORE!). Finally, at 3am, when he woke up for the umpteenth time, I realized that he had a blazing fever! Not only was his forehead hot, but his whole little body was burning up! I felt so helpless and did what I could to assuage his aches and pains not only with some medicine, but letting him nurse more often than usual. Eventually, when it got light outside, we took his temperature and found out that it was over 103... and this was after taking the fever-reducing medicine! 

It took a few days for his fever to abate and then a sudden, weird rash spread across his abdomen. I again felt so helpless. I prayed and prayed. His dad gave him a blessing of healing, promising that he would heal and have no residual effects from this illness. Thankfully, we figured out that he had roseola before I spent money taking him to the doctor, who would have just told us to wait it out anyway.

Still wanted to play the piano in spite of his fever!
A little sickness couldn't keep this guy down.

The first few days wer so rough not really being able to leave the house and having a baby that didn't want to be held, but didn't want to be set down either! He pretty much cried/whined for 5 days straight and nothing I did was satisfactory, not to mention it was the HUGEST struggle to get the STARVING baby to eat anything. 

It's been a week today and he still is more tired and ornery than normal, but he is doing much better and the rash is pretty much now non-existent. I feel so grateful that this is only the first time that he has been sick (besides a little runny nose back in January/February). We have been blessed with great health.

It's funny how much this experience has humbled me to be grateful for so many things. Sadly, sometimes it takes a trial to see the full weight of the blessings you do (and, in some cases, DID) enjoy. I thought a lot about friends who have perpetually sick children or friends who have children with chronic illnesses. I thought about friends with multiple children sick at the same time while I was only dealing with one! I specifically thought often during this week about a friend who recently lost her 1-year-old daughter to a battle with cancer. Sure, this week was difficult watching my child in pain and not able to do much to help him. But, what about my friend who had to hold her daughter through countless, painful medical procedures only for none of them to work and to lose her child? The pain, sadness, frustration, and emotions of the situation are too much for me to even begin to fathom.

Friends, we are blessed. I am blessed. This week, I changed my perspective during this experience. Although the minutes felt like they were dragging at times, I tried to focus on the blessing that my baby was on-the-mend. Through the tears and the fits, I tried to focus on the positives of modern medicine (YAY baby Tylenol!) that helped Harrison deal with the pain and for technology that helped us to diagnose his illness. I tried to focus on the blessing that it is to have a child: I would rather have this child and deal with any illnesses that come than not be blessed to have a child. There is truly SO MUCH to be grateful for!

Quintessential Pumpkin Patch Trip

I'm not sure if it has always been like this, but it seems that going to the pumpkin patch has become quite the popular thing to do. And not just GOING to the pumpkin patch, but taking yearly photos with your child/children in front of said pumpkins and then documenting it on the web.

I guess our family is no different. I thought we went to the pumpkin patch last year with my sister for one of her kid's birthdays, but I just looked back at my blog from October and there were definitely no pictures to document it! Hm...

We made a spur of the moment decision to go to the pumpkin patch because Evan was home from work and Harrison was getting antsy. (Harrison and I had gone to a pumpkin patch for my niece's birthday a few weeks ago, but took only dark cell phones pictures because the sun was setting.) Although Harrison was at the tail end of being sick and still was pretty ornery at the beginning, he ended up enjoying it. You can tell from the pictures, though, how tired he is! Poor guy!

Harrison's favorite part of the pumpkin patch was this pumpkin house at the end where we LOVED pushing the pumpkins out of the house. Yeah, you're not supposed to do that, but we let him do it because it was the happiest he had been all week! We put them back, though, except for the two that rolled down a hill into a pile of mud. We just looked at those and laughed and told the people about it as we checked out with Harrison's pumpkin. It was nice getting out of the house together, even if it was just for a little while. Harrison being sick definitely was so hard this week!

Evan took him on rides down the hill to try to make him happy....

But, in the end, pushing the pumpkins out of the house was the most fun!

Action shot

I'm pretty sure you're NOT supposed to use the wagons to ride down the hill in!

So happy pushing those pumpkins!

He loved the hand-held gourds

 Tired boy

Evan was trying to use the pumpkin as a slide. Harrison was not to sure about it and neither was him mom!

Harrison's first pumpkin he picked out himself! Evan's rule was the Harrison could have any pumpkin he chose for himself. This is the one he chose! :)

I loved these white pumpkins!

Seeking to Forgive

image via HERE

This afternoon, while breastfeeding my wee one, I read this blog post about a blogger whose projects and identity have been stolen not once but multiple times by the same person. It may seem silly and trite to some, but I can totally understand how something like that would be heart-wrenching and frustrating! I was inspired by her choice to forgive in spite of the continuance of the issue. What a wonderful example she is to the rest of us!

Forgiveness is not easy. Forgiving someone who has apologized and tried to make restitution is difficult in and of itself. Forgiving someone who isn't sorry, hasn't apologized, and hasn't even stopped the behavior can feel flat out impossible!

I feel that I am a fairly kind person. I do my best to think about and serve others. Yes, I make mistakes. Yes, I sometimes do things unintentionally that hurt someone else. I can be thoughtless on occasion. I am, afterall, human. I always feel terrible after finding out I unknowingly hurt someone and I always seek to apologize and make it better to anyone that I do thoughtlessly offend.

Generally, however, I love people and seek to make friends with all those around me! I guess that's why the situation I've been dealing with for years is so gut-wrenching.

You see, a while back, I wrote a satirical blog post about a staff meeting I attended. The blog post was little more than a paragraph commenting on something I thought was funny. Family and friends commented on it as well, agreeing with the humor of the situation.

Unfortunately, one family member who is also a close friend did not find it funny and was hurt by what I wrote. The only way I knew this was from a brief comment that was left on the post. While others assured me that what I wrote was harmless, I still apologized and felt saddened that I could have offended someone who means so much to me.

Although this person barely gave me an inkling at the time, I guess this family member felt very judged and offended by what I wrote. Over the next days, weeks, months, I tried to contact this family member just as I normally had in days past. No answer to my phone call ever came. No response to texts. No response to my emails. I even sent a handmade birthday present and still to this day don't know if this person ever received it.

At first, I thought that maybe this person, was busy with work or simply with living life. But, as months went by without any response to my repeated contact, I realized that something was definitely wrong. Eventually, things came to a head and I got an email response saying that s/he had felt judged by me not only from that blog post but from past posts as well. This person said that s/he did not want to live with anxiety or the negativity from feeling judged by me. I was stunned that that was the perception of anything I had written.

image via HERE

I think we all have a certain picture of ourselves and who we are as a person. Sometimes our perceptions about ourselves can be skewed or we don't fully see who we are and what we've been doing until someone calls us out on it. When I received that email, I SOBBED for two hours. I felt so heartbroken that I could have ever caused offense to anyone, let alone a beloved family member and friend! I didn't see that character trait was ever a part of my nature. But, someone else had. Had this person seen into my heart, I think that s/he would have forgiven me right then and there after seeing how much of a shambles I was for days. I cannot fully describe to you the hurt that was in my heart at reading that.

Naturally, I apologized profusely for any hurt I may have caused in the hopes that we could repair our relationship. It's still hard to repair something when someone feels you are bringing negativity into their lives! Sadly, I started to notice the different way that this family members treats other family members. Especially the fact that s/he purposely doesn't contact me or make the same effort with me that she does with others.

When Harrison was born, this person was in town visiting and yet did not come to see my precious newborn baby. As I held my precious babe in my arms, I simply could not understand how this person's anger towards me could keep them away from this sweet, sweet boy of mine. I cannot tell you how much that hurt my heart, especially when this family member had purposely come to visit every single other newborn babe in the family for YEARS, the only exception being my child. I was devastated and grieved and could not understand the anger and resentment that was sent my way.

I still can't understand it. We have since seen each other and this person has since seen my son on a few happy occasions, but I am still treated differently on so many levels. I am doing my best to live a righteous life and to be a good person. I want to love this person and to be friends again. I have apologized, I have tried to make amends. I don't know what more I can do. I'm not sure that the relationship we once had will ever be repaired. And my heart hurts. I truly cannot convey in words how it feels to have someone feel this way towards me, especially when I have done all I can to be kind.

image via HERE

I am praying to forgive and to be forgiven. I am praying that his hurt can be eased and that each time this person's name is mentioned that I stop feeling this horrible anxiety in my heart. I'm not sure what more I can do. It's hard to let go of that frustration and anxiety. No matter how many times someone tells me it doesn't matter or that it's not my fault, I still feel a constriction in my chest. I still want to make things right. I want to return to the way things used to be.

So, friends, I am still learning how to forgive and to seek forgiveness. Maybe this is a cross I'll have to bear for a lifetime. I hope that in the process I can give up these non-productive feelings and learn a few things about myself in the process too.

Life Update: First Week of October

Man, this week sure flew by! The first few days were super rainy around these here parts. A certain dog and a certain 14-month toddler were feeling really cooped up because of the rain. My sanity was a little thin during some moments when the dog wanted to go out fifty times in a row just to come back in with wet/muddy paws and I had to wipe them off to try and keep my floors semi-decent. That, couple with a toddler angry because the dog could go out in the rain and he couldn't made it a little rough. Harrison could care less about if he gets muddy or wet, in fact, the boy prefers it!

Needless to say, Harrison and I took little daily field trips, even if it meant going on walks with the dog in the rain to get out of the house. I don't mind hanging out, but Harrison gets really antsy being in one place for too long and has ever since our whirlwind European trip a few months back.

A few things this week:

• Evan and I (mostly Evan) have been working on our backyard projects like crazy. I did a ton of weeding yesterday in both the back and the front yards and planted a few plants my sister gave me. I still have bushes to plant she bought me a month ago as we are trying to finish up our backyard project. I really just want to make sure that the weeds are gone and everything is ready for spring planting. I am dedicated to making it easier this year by keeping up on the yard over the fall/winter!
• Wednesday, we had my sister, Zandy, and her husband and son over for dinner. Within a month or so, they will have a newborn baby so we figured we better have them over now before they are stuck at home for a while!
• We celebrated my nephew, Josh's, 14th birthday on Thursday by going to his track meet and having a family dinner with both of my sisters and their families. Harrison was SO ornery because he missed a nap for the track meet, but it was still nice to all be together anyway!
• On Friday, Harrison's cousin, Megan, came to visit us for a few hours. It was so fun to craft and make cupcakes with her during Harrison's nap. When Harrison woke up, he also had fun playing with her.
• As I mentioned in my September Recap, Harrison is OBSESSED with standing in windows. I am partially to blame for it. I put him up in the window a week or so ago and now he just wants to stand and chill out in the window! He even figured out how to move and then climb up the back of the chair in his room into the window. This didn't happen without falling out of the window, of course. (I caught him on the way down.) I have since moved the chair out of his room. He still tries using his little kid chair, but it's not tall enough. He now realized he can climb up and stand on the window ledge of the living room windows. This guy! He LOVES being outside!
• Speaking of... Harrison is so obsessed with door handles. It cracks me up. He has been trying for weeks to get doors opened. He can't yet, with the exception of our sliding glass door. Evan told me that Harrison got it open once this week. Thank goodness, it was just the one time and the door was unlocked. I am not looking forward to having to put door guards on all of our doors. That day will happen before I know it!
• Another little anecdote from the past week or so: Harrison was standing on a stool in basement playing with the door handle down there. He pushed up the light switch to the outside light and then looked at the light fixture in the room to see if the light had gone on. When he realized it hadn't, he looked so confused at the switch because he knows that light switches turn lights on or off and there was no change when he flipped the switch. Smart boy!
• Harrison has started talking more and more. He is trying to mimic words and phrases that we say. For a while, he's been trying to say "I love you." It's so cute when he tries!
• On that same vein, Harrison also mimics everything we do. Every time he picks up a remote control or old phone (or any electronic device really), he puts it up to his ear and says "Hello!" to talk into it. So funny! It's amazing what kids notice! This week, Evan was baking pumpkin bread. Later, Harrison got the bowl and spatula Evan used out of the dishwasher and started pretending to mix just like he had seen Evan do hours earlier. I'm telling you, this boy is smart. I know that I'm his mom, but I don't just think that because I'm his mom. I think that because it's true! :)

My nephew, Josh, at his track meet

It cracks me up that he STILL holds onto his dad's ears when he is on his shoulders!