Okay, so I lied...

... and I'm willing to admit it. Well, technically I didn't lie. Not even a little, white one. I just spoke preemptively in my last blog and for that I apologize if I led you (among others) astray. Dave Eggers' book is NOTHING what I thought. I'm now close to page 200 and find it hard to make it farther than that. After reading the cleverly-crafted acknowledgment section, I was so anxious to read the book that I forced myself to stop and write a blog about how anxious I was to read it. I was SO excited after a 35-page acknowledgment section. And yet... upon entering probably somewhere in the vicinity of page 60 or 70, I realized that I had been grossly deceived. Or rather, I realized that I should have listened to everything the author had to say in his 35-page acknowledgment section: Most specifically that he wrote this book to assuage himself (or in my opinion perhaps exploit) of his major issues and life problems relating to his parents' deaths and the raising of his younger brother. Now, while I see the purpose for his book and the ultimate meaning behind it, the only thing I found staggering about it was ME trying to stagger through any and all pages after page 100. His use of stream-of-consciousness and the anecdotes he shares, although meaningful (he makes sure to vehemently point that out in the acknowledgment section), appears forced and redundant. For once in my life, I think I might willingly choose to put down a book and never finish it.

And I'm not the only one who feels this way... As I was reading this book today during substitute teaching, a teacher noticed I was reading it and mentioned (sans comment from me) how he stopped reading it because he felt that the book had already made its point by page 250... Dave Eggers life is staggering and sad and he works too hard to make everything perfect for his brother and perfect (in his own sense of the word) for himself.

I don't know... maybe I'll finish it just to see if the book actually comes together in the end. I'm just sick of wading through senseless profanity and sexual commentary/innuendos in order to derive some sort of meaning from it all. (Of course I'm exaggerating somewhat and I do see some meaning, however redundant and self-deprecating it is.) I'm taking another break and reading yet another Douglas Adams' book. I took a break from A.H.W.O.S.G. yesterday to read a Douglas Adams' book and gave up more time to 50 or so pages of A.H.W.O.S.G. now it's back to Douglas Adams again. What can I say? I'm hooked! He's the only author I'm even remotely interested in reading right now. Any suggestions for NEW books???

New Generation Evolving

There is much speculation (and some fact) to the process of evolution. That is why those from Norway are fair-skinned and have light-colored hair and those from Italy are "olive"-skinned and generally have darker hair... people indigenous to a particular area evolve over time to look and fit the area of the world they are from. Obviously nowadays this isn't necessarily true because the world has become a virtual melting pot and we no longer live in huts without telephones, technology, running water, and power. However, I believe that there is a NEW evolution taking place. I've witnessed it first-hand for the last week and a half while substituting at the local high school. And that evolution has to do with butts. Have you ever noticed how low pants are getting? I mean seriously... pants nowadays are getting SO dangerously low that girls are bound to show their crack (and most likely more) at least ten to fifteen times a day; more depending on the size/surface area of said crack in relation to the size/surface area (or lack thereof) of pants. What this all leads me to contemplate is if girls cracks are going to evolve over time to suit this trend. Are they going to somehow become lower thus extending the back? Does anyone see this as a potential problem? I mean... think about it: what if pants get SO low that there is no more room for a crack? Now THAT is a problem! Just something to think about... the new generation evolution caused by fashion plaguing us today.

A Heartbreaking Work of Dressing Your Family in Corduroy and Denim

I have been meaning to write in here for some time now and just have not devoted the crucial time to do so. I have SO many stories to tell about substituting in my old high school. Stories ranging from one girl leaving my class to go smoke pot to a student repeatedly asking me out and pestering me for my phone number to a young man printing out penii on the internet in the classroom. HIGH SCHOOL! However, at this time that is neither here nor there. What IS here is books. Lots of them. *Let me list which books I have read this year alone in chronological order: 1. Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency, 2. A Long, Dark Tea-Time for the Soul, 3. Deception Point, 4. The Magician's Nephew, 5. Franny & Zooey, 6. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, 7. The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, 8. Life of Pi, 9. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, 10. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, 11. Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim, and I'm currently working on numero dose A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. (*I told you I've been reading A LOT.) The two I would like MOST to discuss are the latter two.



Yesterday I finished Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim. Best book written by a homosexual man EVER! He is a literary genius. His humor is both abrupt and subtely cynical and witty. His candor is so honest it's uncomfortable. I loved every minute of it! Each chapter is really just a reprinted short story, but it's DEFINITELY worth reading. He takes something seemingly mundane and brings out the most congenital nature of the thing through description and appropriate wit. Loved it!



Okay, onto slightly bigger and perhaps better "things"... how does one start discussing the inherent humor/wit of a book she hasn't even remotely read? Well, I'll tell you how. The author wrote a 39 page acknowledgement section that really is all I need to read to know this book is going to be PHENOMENAL, AMAZING, MIND-BLOWINGLY EXCELLENT and a whole slew of intellectual adjectives that are escaping me at the moment. (I'll attribute that to my brother watching something loudly on the Hallmark channel in the background... if you know me at all, you KNOW how I feel about TV... and it's NOT good, especially the Hallmark channel.) I just finished the "Rules and Suggestions for Enjoyment of This Book" and then the "Acknowledgement" section for A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. Any book that exhausts the acknowledgement section (which, by the way, gives true meaning to the word "Acknowledge" with its vast and capricious acknowledging) by drawing a stapler and a labelling it saying, "This is a drawing of a stapler:" has my eternal vote. Dave Eggers: you already amaze me and I've only read the acknowledgement section. Can you imagine what I'll be saying after I read the book in its entirety?! Definitely more to come on this topic...