I am not suggesting that we should push aside big emotions or feelings. I have had my share of shoving emotions aside for them to explode out of me later. I think it's normal and healthy to feel a myriad of emotions, but those don't have to become who we are. Feel the emotion and let it go. Complaining or focusing on the lack isn't going to bring about change. Focusing on what you have control over CAN bring about change.
Yesterday, I felt like I was just grumbling a ton, both outwardly and inwardly. I was so focused on what was going WRONG and what was hard instead of focusing on what was GOOD and what was bringing me joy. It was as if I was wearing glasses with dirty lenses. It made everything look worse. Are there some big struggles in my life right now? Yes! Are there joys amid the struggles too? For sure.
Later in the day, I was listening to a podcast and I just kept thinking: CHANGE THE NARRATIVE. Things don't have to look so bleak. There is a LOT of right going on in my life right now. I can change the narrative in my head. I can choose to clean off those dirty lenses and see through clean ones instead.
Mental shifts are HARD. They take time. It takes breaking out of bad habits. It takes being aware of where your mind is at and where it naturally wants to go when situations arise. I decided that I can stop and change the narrative any time. I don't have to wait until the next day or next hour. If I see a problem, I can change it RIGHT NOW. It usually feels easier to grumble and complain when things get tough, but I am committing to focus on the good. I am starting a gratitude journal today that I hope will help me see the abundance instead of the lack.
A lot of my struggles center around my children. I don't want my narrative and my relationships with them to be tainted by this constant frustration I have with their behavior or thinking about how taking care of them is keeping me from who I want to be and what I want to do. I would hate for them to ever feel anything other than my love and support. I CHOSE to have children and while it's not easy, it does bring blessings and an opportunity to stretch and grow. My time is limited because it is spent taking care of three young boys.
I don't know why I expected things to stay the same after having kids. Of course, my time is going to be devoted to helping them grow and succeed. A sacrifice of time is part of the choice I made when I decided to have children. Instead of focusing on the lack of time, I am committing myself to focus on how much I am doing positive with my time. Each time I change a diaper, each shirt I fold, each meal I make, all of those are ways of serving my children and letting them know I love them. It's teaching them in turn how to love and serve others.
Some things I'm grateful for today:
- I got to go on a walk with the boys in the sunshine.
- The baby is so cute as he smiles at me.
- It finally is starting to feel like Spring is coming! It makes me feel alive and is getting me SO excited to get out and enjoy nature again!
- I have the means to purchase nutritious food for me and my family.
- I am feeling better health-wise today than I was a week ago.
- I have very loving friends and family. While I don't have very many close friends, I feel so grateful for positive people who uplift and inspire.
- I'm grateful for Evan's job and his ability to work hard to learn the ropes and improve in his career.
- I'm grateful for three healthy boys. I have followed a few accounts on Instagram recently where the children had cancer. It is so heartbreaking and humbling. Every time Bentley gets fussy, I think of my friends, Angela and Jennifer, who recently lost their babies. Yes, it's hard having a fussy baby. But, having a fussy baby means that I have a healthy child who is alive. Instead of focusing on the negative aspects and how hard it is, I can be grateful and focus on what I CAN do and how I am able to love and serve him when he is fussy because he's in pain.
Okay, I better go make dinner so we don't eat too late. The kids have been going to bed later than they should recently and today was Daylight Savings so they'll likely want to go to bed even later. I need to get dinner done earlier so that they can get done earlier and go to bed earlier, especially since Evan gets up at 4am to go to work! He's tired EARLY so if I'm going to have his help, the boys have to go to bed earlier! I took them on a walk/run around the block already today, but hopefully we can get them out running around again to get their energy out.
