Closed Doors, Open Windows

I was reading Hue and Hum's blog this week about how she did not get into the MFA program to which she applied. As I did so, I contemplated my own recent disappointment. 


In order for you to understand the disappointment, we have to go back a little ways. You see, Evan started school within about 6 weeks of us getting married. He then worked hard for 5 quarters straight to get all of his nursing pre-requisites done and well so he could get into a good RN program! December 2010, he applied to the RN program at the college where he had done his pre-reqs. It was a lottery, which meant that every qualified applicant's name was put into a proverbial hat and 24 names were randomly drawn for the program. Although he was more than qualified, he did not get in.



Last year, he took a CNA (now called NAC) course so he could be eligible to apply to other nursing programs. He continued taking classes that would help him finish his bachelor's degree once he was done with a 2-year RN program. He applied twice more  to the program with the lottery and did not get in. He applied to another school in a 5-month application process that started in May only to find out in October that he didn't get in. So frustrating! He has good grades, good recommendations, and has a CNA (nursing schools like that). In short, he has all of those things required to get in to a good program and wasn't getting in.



In November, he considered going with the option of a 1-year LPN (nurse degree before RN) program. He applied to the program and got accepted. This program costs more money per quarter. It also means taking a SMALL, indirect step towards his end goal and that he'll still have to find and apply to more RN programs after he is done. However, he got into a nursing program. We decided to go forward with it. We paid the tuition and he went about the process of getting all of the immunizations, background checks, fees, books, supplies, malpractice insurance, etc. taken care of.


YET... in the back of our minds, we were both hoping that he would get into an RN program and that he wouldn't need to go the indirect route of getting his LPN first. In December, he re-applied to the RN program with the lottery.


Well, this week the lottery was done. Evan did not get accepted into the RN program. It was a HUGE letdown for both of us, especially for him. Right now, I am the main breadwinner. I am pregnant with our first child. I will continue to work after having said child because we cannot afford otherwise. We had hoped that he could get into a more direct program and I could potentially work part-time and be at home raising our child sooner. Apparently, that plan is not meant to be. No matter how much you do and how much you plan, it is in times like this that we have to self-reflect and be aware of our blessings.

Thankfully, three years ago, I learned a valuable lesson. My teaching position got cut and I was out of a job! I was devastated. Evan and I were going to be getting married in a few months and I was going to be the breadwinner while he went to school. How was it going to work out? At first, I was bitter. I didn't want a new job. I wanted MY JOB teaching German! I prayed and felt comforted that it would work out. And, you know what? It totally worked out BETTER than I imagined. Within a month, I was notified that I had a job teaching at another school. I wasn't super excited about moving schools or teaching a new subject, but was definitely grateful to still have a job.


The job ended up being a HUGE blessing. Even though I was transferred schools, my job switched from a part-time position to a full-time position. This meant I was making WAY MORE money per year. This money came at just right the right time we needed it: Evan quit his job and was starting school. If I would have stayed in my former position, we would have been making $10,000/year less. Paying for Evan's school and living off of one salary, that amount of money was significant.


Heavenly Father knew what He was doing when he closed that door. He knew that the opportunity He was providing me was worth more than the heartache I felt in losing the best teaching position I had ever had. I have since been moved schools again back to teaching German. I back am in a better position now teaching what I love and I still get to teach full-time. All of these blessings couldn't come have come about if an opportunity didn't end first to provide another, better opportunity for learning and growth.


I guess why I bring all of this up is that Heavenly Father has a plan for you. He has one for me too. I'm not sure what His plan is for me. Sometimes it's hard wanting something and waiting for God's time table to make it happen. What I've learned, though, is that in reality, those closed doors seem tiny when compared with the wonderful blessings that come because of them. Opportunities are there that we can't see yet because we are so focused on the path that we THINK is best for us. Having heartbreak humbles us enough to see that we have had so many blessings and opportunities available all along. We just have to open our eyes and shift our focus to see those OPEN doors in front of us waiting for us to take hold and move on. To myself, Evan, and each one of you... I wish you good luck in finding your next open door!