Reflections Upon Turning 25

As I reread what I wrote in my journal on the eve of my 25th birthday, I thought I'd like to create a blog out of it. So, here it is...

Thursday, December 14th, 2006:
Yep, another year has gone by and here I am now officially old at twenty-five. I'm not a kid anymore! Sad! But, that doesn't mean that I can't still act like one! I wanted my twenty-fifth birthday to be some BIG, AMAZING show. I swear, I half expected to have fireworks go off or something. I expected the whole entire world to call me to wish me well, or at least everyone I knew. None of the above happened… and as I was contemplating my birthday today and half wishing that I would have done more, I really just thought how for me a birthday doesn't consist of doing a million cool things. It consists of celebrating the last year that I had and contemplating what I accomplished during the year. I shouldn't need my actual birthday to make up for the year, but to celebrate the fact that I'm alive! And I guess the people who care about me most will make a point to contact me or celebrate with me.

So, as I'm looking back on the past year and what the future year has to offer, I'm feeling more pensive than usual. I guess it's just the fact that twenty-five is such a solid number. I mean, twenty-five. It just sounds old and there is NO going back to being young again. It also has caused me to reflect on what I have done in the first twenty-five years of my life. I thought that life would be different by now. I thought that I'd already have a master's, I'd be a returned missionary, married, or all of the above! I thought that I'd have an amazing job, know what I want to do with the rest of my life… the whole works. I should have learned by now not to count on things like that. Life just happens and the future is always going to be unsure, because that's just the nature of life! I have no idea what tomorrow is going to bring. Life definitely hasn't been what I expected at all. I never expected losing my parents so young. I never expected a lot of things… but all of them have been good. All of them have helped me to grow into the person I am currently. And I look forward to the next 25 years to provide even more learning experiences. Isn't life interesting, though? How things don't turn out the way we would expect, but that they turn out somehow different, but better? Like life just sort of fits and you know that you are where you are for a reason. I don't know… I think sometimes we want things SO badly. I know I do! Sometimes I want things to work out with a certain boy or that I could have a certain job… but honestly, Heavenly Father really knows what I need. He doesn't answer certain prayers for a reason sometimes, or he answers them in ways we can't see.

Ah youth… it's interesting how we only stay young and innocent for such a short portion of our mortal lives, yet during that entire time we're trying our hardest to be adults. We can spend the rest of our lives growing up! We need to have fun now and live at each stage of life while we're there. That's why I'm happy that I am in this place in my life. I feel good about not being married yet. I feel good about being untethered and free. I can still go anywhere and do anything with my life!

Anyway, that's not really the point of what I wanted to write. I really just wanted to write that I've had a good life. As I reflect on this last year and reread my journal entry from last year's birthday, I see that I have improved somewhat from last year. So, this year can just be a continuation of those goals. I'm SO glad that I haven't dated any losers this year! I'm glad that I have progressed spiritually by making it a goal to finish the Book of Mormon again by the end of the year. I have progressed. I do, however, see that there is SO much yet to learn and improve. But, that's what life is for, right? And it sure would be boring without being able to experience things and advance. This year I really want to focus on people. I really want to get outside myself and focus on how I can help others. I don't know if that means joining some service organization, or if it just means really making a conscience effort to be less selfish… but either way, I want to be more Christ-like with charity and love for all. I honestly think that when one is looking for the best in people, she is going to be happier. She is going to focus on the good instead of finding faults with those around her.

In addition, I would like to improve my talents this year. I want to improve (or at least keep up) my skills at the piano. I also want to focus on doing more of the things that I love… running, hiking, singing, acting, writing, reading… I want to keep myself active with things that I love and maybe even add a few more to the list too. I just want to really work hard on scheduling out time for things so I can fit everything in! I need to work on that in order to improve. I see that is crucial.

Right now I just need to say that I'm grateful for my life. I've been given so much. Even though life hasn't turned out the way I expected or would have liked, I've been given SO much. My life has been enhanced by the interactions I've been fortunate enough to have with amazing people. Though some of them have come and gone… all of them remain in my memory to serve as a reminder to the way they've shaped me into who I am. I'm grateful for all of the pain associated with these interactions, as well as the joy that has been inherent. I believe that it's these interactions that have molded my very character. It doesn't matter how many miles I've ran, how many books I've read, or how many notes I learned to play correctly on the piano… none of that matters. The things that matter are people. People matter. Communication is what ultimately brings about the biggest change in our lives. The relations we have not only speak loads about our character, but determine our future interactions. Thus, I can't say how grateful I sincerely am for the people in my life. People I didn't expect to come, or to go… all of them, have shaped who I am. And hopefully I've helped a few along the way as well. Thanks for my life, Heavenly Father. Thanks for allowing me another birthday and another day to be alive. I hope I haven't let you down. I hope that my interactions with others has been a testimony of Your love. I'm going to work hard for the next years of my life to be an example of what You would want me to do. Thanks for loving me enough to provide me with this exceptional opportunity to be alive and to learn all that I am. Life is GREAT, even if it's hard and confusing. I appreciate you sticking by my side. And with that, I end my 25th birthday just at the stroke of midnight… praising God for the life He's so graciously given me and allowed me to live for these 25 wonderful years.